Saturday, October 8, 2016


So, a couple of things happened to me yesterday. One, I was doing some continuing education for my insurance license and two, I read an article about a young lady who had lost her Mother. Both of these experiences had an affect on me.

There were terms that were in the study material that reminded me of my experiences with my Mother. Then the article made me realize how much an effect losing her had and still has on me. There are certain things and comments that trigger thoughts about my Mother. Sometimes, I'm okay and other times I wish I could just bring her back.

So, here it is a year and four months later and the fact that my Mother is gone still isn't real to me. I know that she's gone but it still hasn't settled in yet. I try to live a "normal" life but the fact is, she is gone!

There is no manual on how to deal with this and I'm not super close to anyone (other than my sisters) that can relate to my situation of losing a mother as an adult but still relatively young. I think that might be one of the challenging things for me right now. If you haven't experienced this, there is no way that you can even begin to understand what it is like.

One thing that I do know is that losing her has changed me. It has made me stronger but there is also pain that comes out at times. I still haven't healed from some of the things that I experienced while taking care of her and also after her passing. I'm pretty sure that I sometimes respond to situations based on the pain that I'm still dealing with inside. However, I'm trying my best to work on my relationship with others and express to them what's going on inside. For if I don't express it, they really have no idea what I'm dealing with.

I don't know who's reading this and if you have lost someone that is very close to you. If you have make sure that you deal with your pain. For me, I write. If I talk about what I'm really dealing with, it has to be someone that I trust! Release the pain and free yourself. One day, I'll probably write a book about what I really went through but for now I just like to let others know that you're not alone. I write to heal myself and hopefully someone else can find healing through my words.

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