Monday, March 28, 2016

LIFE GOES ON!

I'm back!!! I love to write yall. However, lately I just haven't been able to release I guess. Writing is a release for me. Letting go and expressing my thoughts and feelings so that I can heal and also help others. I'm learning a lot about this grieving process and dealing with the loss of a loved one. No one can really tell you how to grieve or how long to grieve. It's something that you figure out along the way. Some days you will be okay and other days certain things trigger old memories that can sadden you. You'll never get over the loss, you just learn to live without them.

Life is different now. I have questions. What's going on up there? Can she see me? What is it like for her? It makes life after death so real now. I mean my Mother (the one who gave me life) is gone physically, so her soul is somewhere. Truth is, we all have to go. But since I'm still here, I have unanswered questions.

There were things that happened leading up to her passing and I have just accepted that although it felt horrible it was the best thing for me. There is really no other way for me to make sense of it.

As I deal with this loss, I'm learning and I am able to understand/see things that I wasn't able to see before. I must admit that I did get a bit off track when it came to my diet. However, I was able to maintain quite well. Honestly, I'm actually happy with the weight that I'm at right now. I'm back on track though really focusing on what I put into my temple. I spent a lot of time with my mother during her sickness and I saw firsthand how it affected her. It's something I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy.

The getting off track was part of the grieving process. I think it was a way of not really dealing with the fact that she is gone. My passion for health and wellness will always circle back to my mother and the experiences that we had together as we tried to fight her illness. So, while I wasn't off track too bad I now can see that I tried to escape from reality. When I was taking care of her, there was a time when I wasn't working my full-time job so I was able to cook and prepare food regularly.  Even after I went back to work I made a habit of preparing my foods. After, she passed I kinda slipped away from cooking in the same capacity as I was before she passed.

There are things that are going to remind me of her and it's just something that I have to accept and deal with. I stay so busy that most times I don't have to focus on the fact that she's gone. However, sometimes you have to slow down and deal with the pain to heal the pain. Life will never be the same, but life does go on.

GOD IS IN THE MIDST OF HER; SHE SHALL NOT BE MOVED; GOD SHALL HELP HER, AND THAT RIGHT EARLY. -PSALM 46;5


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2 comments:

  1. Well well, what a mighty God we serve, for without him we can do nothing and he really is the one that gets us through each day. You never really know what other people are going through if you have no experience relatable to theirs, but once you've experienced something like the passing away of the one or ones you love, it brings so many different thoughts, feelings and emotions to you that you could have no way of identifying with accept you experience this yourself. If you truly had any kind of bond with a loved one who has passed away, you will always have that bond with them but just in different ways after they are gone. Making the adjustments to grieving is so unpredictable and no one can really tell you how you will grieve, but we can learn from others of how to grieve without being robbed of the life that we still have and how to face everyday as an opportunity to embrace your purpose for that day. It is unrealistic to not grieve from the passing away of a loved one, but it is also unrealistic to not live on with the legacy of the loved one who is no longer here. Yes accepting the reality that this is life now without the loved ones that are now
    gone and trying to put into perspective how to move forward is a daily chore, but it is also okay some days to not move forward, it is okay some days to just be still and allow ourselves to be healed, verse trying to heal ourselves. Trying to heal one's self can greatly interfere with really being healed of what takes time to heal. Rushing the healing process can actually be a major set back. It is normal to have sadness one day and happiness the next day when you are grieving. For anyone to not experience both emotions could be an indication that they are not truly being healed of the pain that comes from the passing away of a dear loved one. I thank God for the foundation which we stand on that gives me the fortitude and motivation to believe in God's plan for us, which overrides our own plans. I trust that the Lord will continue to keep you focus and purpose driven. I believe in God and I also believe in you:)
    Keep up the good work, stay with the Lord and he will never forsake you.
    Much Love, Dad

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