Monday, March 28, 2016


I'm back!!! I love to write yall. However, lately I just haven't been able to release I guess. Writing is a release for me. Letting go and expressing my thoughts and feelings so that I can heal and also help others. I'm learning a lot about this grieving process and dealing with the loss of a loved one. No one can really tell you how to grieve or how long to grieve. It's something that you figure out along the way. Some days you will be okay and other days certain things trigger old memories that can sadden you. You'll never get over the loss, you just learn to live without them.

Life is different now. I have questions. What's going on up there? Can she see me? What is it like for her? It makes life after death so real now. I mean my Mother (the one who gave me life) is gone physically, so her soul is somewhere. Truth is, we all have to go. But since I'm still here, I have unanswered questions.

There were things that happened leading up to her passing and I have just accepted that although it felt horrible it was the best thing for me. There is really no other way for me to make sense of it.

As I deal with this loss, I'm learning and I am able to understand/see things that I wasn't able to see before. I must admit that I did get a bit off track when it came to my diet. However, I was able to maintain quite well. Honestly, I'm actually happy with the weight that I'm at right now. I'm back on track though really focusing on what I put into my temple. I spent a lot of time with my mother during her sickness and I saw firsthand how it affected her. It's something I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy.

The getting off track was part of the grieving process. I think it was a way of not really dealing with the fact that she is gone. My passion for health and wellness will always circle back to my mother and the experiences that we had together as we tried to fight her illness. So, while I wasn't off track too bad I now can see that I tried to escape from reality. When I was taking care of her, there was a time when I wasn't working my full-time job so I was able to cook and prepare food regularly.  Even after I went back to work I made a habit of preparing my foods. After, she passed I kinda slipped away from cooking in the same capacity as I was before she passed.

There are things that are going to remind me of her and it's just something that I have to accept and deal with. I stay so busy that most times I don't have to focus on the fact that she's gone. However, sometimes you have to slow down and deal with the pain to heal the pain. Life will never be the same, but life does go on.


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