Tuesday, August 9, 2011

CODEPENDENCY

This topic was inspired by a message I heard in church this past Sunday. Individuals tend to be codependent without even realizing it sometimes. While there are stages in our life where we must be codependent, codependency can have a negative impact on one's life. Of course, one would expect a child to be codependent on their parents, or even maybe a disabled individual to their caretaker. Other than that, I really see no excuse for codependent relationships. Codependency demonstrates elements of low self-esteem, weakness, selfishness, self-centeredness, immaturity, control, overprotectiveness, and extreme love. Overall, it is very unhealthy to the individual benefiting from the codependent relationship and to the individual enabling the codependent relationship. While there are times in life where we may find ourselves in codependent relationships, once the signs are manifested you must end that relationship immediately. Continuely assisting someone physically, emotionally, or financially when they are not trying to help themselves is an example of codependency. There just comes a time in life when you have to say "NO". You can't always be the person that people run to with their problems, when they need something, when everything is going wrong. If you are that person,  are you able to run right back to them with your problems and situations? Many parents enable codependent relationships with their children long into adulthood. However, this only hurts the child because there comes a time in life where life lessons must be learned individually, and sometimes all alone. There are also friends who enable other friends out of a sense of loyalty. Many relationships between husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend can demonstrate elements of codependency. If you are only with someone for what they can do for you, then you are in a codependent relationship. You acting out of selfish needs may provide the other individual with a false sense of love. While the statement "Two is better than one" is usually true.  It only works out for the best when there is a healthy relationship between the two individuals and both reap benefits from the union. This applies to mom and son, boss and employee, employee and employee, sister and sister, any type of relationship that you could possibly imagine. There should never be a time in your life when you look at a relationship and question your motives or their motives. Not that there won't be questionable relationships, just makes you wonder who is depending on who and why. Now don't get me wrong everyone has to depend on others, that is just a part of life. But one-sided dependency (codependency) is not a necessary part of life unless you are child (not grown) or you require some type of assistance whether it is medical, mental, emotional, physical, or psychological. Words of advice don't be part of a one-sided relationship that only benefits you, you have so much more to offer. And for that enabler out there, sometimes tough love is the way to go.

2 comments:

  1. Great post. You should make a book. Every days topic can be a inspirational page. When you get 365 you can have a whole book. I will be the first to buy. Rosie Love u sis

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